just last week i can't quite recall which day, after a Ktv session with my pals-Jon and Hui there was this sudden peace and calm in my heart. A feeling that i haven experience for a long time. Sending away the panic attacks that comes every now and then before. I felt so much lighter really lighter in terms of body mass. The attachments that haunted me were seemingly gone for good. What happen beats me too. Perhaps its knowledge that people around me has found their happiness and this happiness is my source of inspiration and peace. Had i been too self centred trying in vain to attain lasting happiness by keeping my thirst for desire ocuppied. My realisation was that humans are always greedy if we are easily manipulated by it we are in fact walking into a road of no return. Our greeds are never contented and insatisable. Only when people around are good then will i too share their feelings. All along i have been fulfilling my desires of lavish parties, drinking,shoppin hoping to keep myself happy. this happiness derived faded almost immediately. Maybe it's the fact that the person i cared for and felt sorry for has received his share of happiness that allowed me to liberate myself from the cell of self destruction. I became so cold towards people around me, agressiveness overwhelmed me leaving me breathless with fear in my attempts to subdue the anxiety in me. My sleep was surprising tranquil and serene, no more falling into pits, startled to wake up. I no longer dread going out to work and is never so recharged to do so.

Just yesterday i wrote my heartfelt words to someone instead of the usual hypocrite i was forced to become and always detested myself for. Truth always hurts and causes you to lose a friend. Why are human so attached to praises and glory that we delude ourselves and refuse to face up to reality? Why do humans look at outer appearances all the time and bears a higher tolerance for the pretty and good looking? Why are people so concerned about someone's build, beauty rather than manifesting their talent and good works?

Why do people always think their lives are not as interesting as others but in fact it is the way they made it sound boring. Reading the blogs of a few friends may be something good to start with. You will find that their life assimilates yours but they chose to reflect it positively just to create an impression? Who on this earth has never felt alona nd empty before? Why are we comparing since we noe that everyone is different? Why is it that even i am caught in these samsara and unable to be delivered from it? When did i plant the seeds of malice and reap jealousy? Probably the culprit that destroyed relationships? Why do people backstab? Why do we hate them? One possible reason is extreme love which is synonymous with expectations and pleasure when being betrayed these qualities thus causing extreme hatred so torturous to hate then to love. Don't be a slave for destiny rule it. You are rsponsible for your own destiny.

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2:23 AM